But I didn't order the dysentery

I love conference calls. A large group of people. All on the phone. All doing something but listening. No one really knowing why they are on the phone. And the leader, the Douchebagary amplified through dozens of speakerphones, attempting to steer a runaway truck.
My favorite part is that no one really knows when it's their turn to speak, this usually results in everyone speaking at once, thus confusing everyone.
You never really know who you are talking to, and someone always forgets to push mute before having a side conversation.

*in background* "Hey, you on a call?"
"Yeah, but it's stupid. You should hear these guys, no clue what they are talking about. I've seen a more organized troup of Monkeies smashing their own testicles with rocks."
"HA! are you on mute?"
"oh yeah, don't worry about it, not like anyone pays attention on these calls anyway."
"That's true! hey, the reason I came over, Frank asked me to come check on you, apparently no one can hear you on that call, he wanted you to check your mute..."
"....SHIT"

I LOVE when that happens. Always check for the red light on your phone.